Or
Days Two and Three
It’s impossible to look at the remnants of the Angkorian past without wondering what would cause such imposing empire to collapse so completely. It’s similarly difficult to consider the prospects for rural Cambodia without s sense of sadness and wonder.
It would be wrong to view Cambodian history as having reached it’s pinnacle with the creation of Bayon, Angkor Wat and the other temples we now associate with the height of Angkorian rule.* But it’s equally true that the scope and grandeur of these temples hasn’t yet been surpassed. And viewing the mine-strewn countryside in Cambodia today, it’s evident that the country has quite a distance yet to run to achieve such grand feats again.
Having visited the major Angkorian temples in January, Kelly and I set out to see Beng Mealea, roughly 70 kilometers northeast of Siem Reap. It’s a mysterious temple whose origins and purpose have been studied far less than the other major sites. It’s also in a state of collapse, making it an effective symbol for the empire altogether.
Our driver, Vichet, was a young man from Battambang. He drove us through customarily beautiful countryside for two hours until we reached the temple. A few police officers lazily lollygagged about and a handful of visitors took photos, but it lacked the tumultuous crowds of Angkor Wat. We scaled the outer wall and two kids, about 10 years old, attached themselves to us. We made them peanut butter sandwiches and snacked in an intensely atmospheric setting.
Beng Mealea’s appeal is mystery and it’s aesthetic of collapse. It’s been largely taken over by foliage: roots and vines reduced walls to rubble and grew over them. What makes this aesthetic so appealing? Why are similar temples like Ta Prohm so popular? Part of the answer lies in our imagination: in seeing fully the extent to which these grand structures have fallen we are forced to imagine what they once were, only to contemplate what obliterated them so profoundly and completely. Here, where mountains of rubble sit next to the remaining artifices, the aesthetic is clear and pronounced.
Collapse, Jared Diamond argues, doesn’t always follow a slow decline: it often happens to great societies at the apex of their powers. Walking through the flotsam of rubble, I considered the urban centers I knew intimately and what they would look like in a state of collapse, overgrown and abandoned. This fascination lies deep western culture, as evidences by mountains of novels, poems, songs and films dealing with collapse and apocalypse. As I write this, the apocalypse-porn film 2012 is leading American box offices.
Our small tour guides took us about, pointed at things that may or may not have been what they claimed them to be—“look, a library!”—“a coffin!”—and ran away from the lazy police at intervals. We snuck off the marked path and climbed through crevasses, and snacked. After three hours of slow exploring we tipped our charming guides and left.
Vichet drove us down a long, bumpy dirt road to our other objective for the day: the land mind museum. It’s a justifiable famous project by a man named Aki Ra. Ra was taken by Khmer Rouge soldiers when he was ten years old and forced to fight in their guerilla army. This was in 1980, one year after the KR lost Phnom Penh to the Vietnamese. Ra spent his youth laying landmines along the Cambodia / Thai / Laos border, first for the KR and then, upon defecting, for the Vietnamese army. After a change of consciousness and the end of immediate hostilities he began actively demining. Using sticks, rocks and his own specialized skills he set about returning the Cambodian countryside to a place of safety.
This is a massive challenge. Cambodia is one of the most heavily mined countries in the entire world: between anti-personnel mines, anti-vehicle mines and unexploded ordinances (UXO), the number of active bombs in Cambodian soil remains in the millions.
Ra claims to have diffused 50,000 mines himself—a fraction of the total amount in Cambodia. With his wife, Hourt, he established a school and living quarters for child amputees who were wounded by UXOs of all sorts. The school is on the same grounds as the museum but tourists are not allowed on its grounds. The museum itself was somewhat informative but not interactive: there was no one to talk to about mines and their effects on Cambodia’s populace. It didn’t fail to leave an impression, however: merely the massive collection of diffused mines, claymores, shells and so on it enough to cause fright and despair.
The next day we took off for Anlong Veng, about 120 kilometers north of Siam Reap. Two old Germans and a Cambodian soldier joined us on the bus. The soldier kept making obnoxious sucking noises through his teeth and stared at Kelly, so we changed seats.
The three-hour bus ride came with a complementary three hours of Cambodian music videos. They follow the same theme as Vietnamese music videos: an ear-twisting guitar solo introducing a young, hip singer in a state of depression. He raises his head from his hands and the video transitions to scenes of him and his girlfriend in better times: in restaurants, taxis, whatever. This sequence takes the bulk of the time: usually three minutes. Then she breaks up with him. Or she cheats on him. Or she does something irreparably wrong to him. This sequence lasts two minutes or so. The remainder of the video is he, looking sad. Sad at malls, sad outside her house, always sad looking off in the direction of some sad sunset or sad emblem of their past love.
I digress.
Anlong Veng is a series of buildings along a T-intersection: south to Siem Reap, north to the Thai border, east to Prasat Preah Vihear. It’s poor, dusty and sketchy, filled with soldiers and way too many men with nothing to do (never a good sign). We didn’t plan on sticking around. It’s a town that wouldn’t be located on a map if it wasn’t for one critical factor: it was the final stronghold of the Khmer Rouge, staying in the clutches until 1998, twenty years after the Vietnamese takeover Phnom Penh in early 1979.
In failing to capture the top KR cadres, Cambodia was doomed to another two decades of civil strife as the KR recruited children and Vietnam’s economic policies prevented the moribund Cambodia economy from recovering from the civil war of the early 1970s and the Khmer Rouge revolution of 1975-1978. When the top cadres—Pol Pot, Ieng Sary, Ta Mok etc.—fled the capital they took refuge in the jungles and mountains near the Thai border, where they could escape when things got hairy. From this backwater, isolated scrap of land they “contested” Cambodia with a monumental degree of arrogance and delusion.
We came to see their remnants. There isn’t much. The area along Anlong Veng is flat and sparsely populated; twenty kilometers to the north is a massive ridge, and just a couple of kilometers past that is the border of Thailand. Our drivers took us up the ridge, past a smuggler’s market and two Pol Pot’s cremation site, where people continue to pay homage with incense sticks, food offerings, and piece of a dead crab. The jury is still out on the symbolism of the crab.
From there it was dusty, off-road ride through a poor village to Ta Mok’s house on a ridge with stupendous views. Ta Mok was known as “The Butcher”—quite a distinction for a leading member of the Khmer Rouge. His savagery makes comparisons to Vlad the Impaler appropriate. Not much is left of his house now, though people have written some strange graffiti: their names and phone numbers, for example.
It was too late by this point to go the further distance to Pol Pot’s abandoned house, so we went back to Anlong Veng. Along the way we passed a few vehicles marked for demining. The Halo Trust, a non-profit demining organization, was clearing some land.
We spoke to Kim, site coordinator from the Halo Trust, a gracious and well-spoken man who answered our amateur questions about the demining process. Five workers were working on this particular site, which was not particularly large: maybe four acres at the most. There was interest in building a parking lot in the area so it needed to be cleared. An undetermined number of mines and UXO were scattered about. Demining by hand would take over a year, so they moved in the heavy machinery. Essentially they were going to clear away an entire level of topsoil (“soil” used loosely), scoop it all into a machine and grind everything to pieces. What they didn’t clear through grinding they would sift, letting the soil fall below and the mines suspend above. It was an amazing effort to clear a relatively small patch of land.
On the return to Anlong Veng we briefly stopped at another of Ta Mok’s houses, though it was too dark to see anything much. A misspelled sign read,
“Ta Mok’s House Historical Attractive Site”
Back at Lucky Star guesthouse we reflected on the poverty of the northern Cambodian countryside and the legacy of landmines in the area. Why would huge tracts of land remain entirely uncultivated when there’s so much poverty? Even sustenance farming would be preferable, it would seem. But the land is almost entirely unusable: the threat of mines remains too great. Who would start a farm when the very land they would use could be a potential death trap?
The terror of landmines are their future legacy. They are, as it often said, less a weapon of war and more a weapon against peace: after the soldiers return home, the mines stay, a threat to any who would actually use that land. Poverty is rooted in homelessness and the inability to make use of available resources. Cambodia’s mines ensure not only that hundreds are killed and injured every year, but that the rural countryside remains rooted in poverty—a process which propagates the now familiar dislocation of traditional farming families to cities, further depleting the countryside and adding hectare after hectare of slum to the metropole.
So who is to blame for this situation? In Cambodia’s case: nearly everyone involved. America dropped hundreds of thousands of tons of ordinance on Cambodia’s eastern countryside, much of which remains undetonated. Along the Thai-Laos-Cambodia border—one of the highest concentrations of mines in the world—the Khmer Rouge laid thousands of mines, a practice which was utilized by the Cambodian national army, no matter who was in charge. The Vietnamese army outdid all of them after it failed to capture the KR leadership, which hid out along that border. To pin them in that narrow strip of land and prevent them from spreading their insurgency into central Cambodia, the Vietnamese army laid hundreds of thousands of landmines. Of course, none of these entities express the slightest bit of accountability for their actions. All of the world’s most powerful countries—the US, China, Russia and India included—refuse to sign the UN ban on landmines (the US won’t do so without a “Korean exception,” which would not prohibit the laying of mines between the north and south, already one of the most mined belts anywhere).
Cambodia, today, is more economically and politically stable and independent then it has been in two hundred years. After a recent Transparency International study ranked Cambodia 158th of 190 countries, a Cambodian official commented (this is a paraphrase): “We don’t care about the ranking. We aim to bring safety, stability and harmony to the Cambodian people.” It’s certainly true that over the past two centuries safety, stability and harmony have been in short supply. With the legacy of Angkor’s enduring triumphs and collapse perpetually on their backs, Cambodian people have the right to not merely survive, but to prosper. With the legacy of its recent tribulations buried in it’s soil, safety, stability, harmony and prosperity will remain elusive.
*The so called “dark ages” of Cambodian history—the time between the fall of Angkor and the beginnings of the French protectorate—are a relatively unknown period which is marked by a number of critical trends: first, the geographic transition of Cambodian power from north of the Tonle Sap to east at Phnom Penh; secondly, the vacillation of Cambodian patronage between it’s powers to the east and west: Siam and Vietnam. Even if Cambodia remained politically subservient to these alternating powers, the lives of ordinary, rural Cambodians would have been little affected by the power struggles and machinations, and Cambodian rural traditions have lasted with remarkable consistency for hundreds of years.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Goodbye Saigon; Hello Cambodia
When we left Saigon after four hundred and thirteen days in-country, we left with a neither a bang nor a whimper, but a hectic and insatiable rush. Our time had surely come.
The past few weeks had been such a flurry of activity that the realization of leaving didn’t hit home until Sunday night, mere hours before departure. And when we woke at 5am to catch our bus to Siam Reap it just felt like a continuation of the rush. But it was nice to catch up on sleep for the first few hours.
Crossing the border at Moc Bai / Bavet is like crossing from day into night. The vast differences the histories of Vietnam and Cambodia have left each country in are immediately apparent and nothing less than striking. Well-managed, fertile fields gave was instantly to fallow acres; manufactured houses—implying wealth enough to pay another person to build one’s domicile—were replaced with DIY homes; the intense population density of Vietnam contrasted with the sparseness of the Cambodian countryside.
Cambodia is at once a more bucolic landscape. Vietnam hasn’t invested much in highway side beautification and one’s viewpoint is limited to roadside restaurants, motorbike repair shops and the other forms of human occupation which inevitably spring up—unless prevented from doing so—along lanes of commerce. The commerce is much more limited in Cambodia and thus the views are better. Surely one of the most romantic images of southeast area the vast green and brown fields, crusted with palms, given way to generous slices of sky and clouds. I was reminded of how much I had enjoyed Cambodia.
Aside from the landscape, a major theme of Cambodian thoroughfares seems to be a frightening array of animals on vehicles—in various states of life and death). Aside from moments of morbid fascination this doesn’t hold much attention, so I settled into Jared Diamond’s “Collapse” for the duration of the ride to Phnom Penh. The TV on the bus played Charlie Chaplin films, the background music of which is quite pleasant. And they were significantly better the viewing option on our last trip to Cambodia: a collection of hideous youtube clips of masked men ripping tube tops off of women in public. One wonders who considered this to be suitable viewing material, but the wondering doesn’t last.
Cambodia’s capital has a peculiar grandeur to it. Once considered southeast Asia’s urban jewel it now resembles an unpolished ornament: having been through too much in too little time, and without the time needed to recover. We had an hour to kill before our bus to Siam Reap to we hired Sitaa to take us to a few spots of historic interest: the French embassy and the train station. Along the way we passed Ratana Nimol, whose sign read:
“Selling statues, monk’s robes and all kinds of ritual accessories”
The French embassy fascinated me because when the Khmer Rouge took control of Phnom Penh on 17 April 1975, a few hundred people remained trapped and isolated there—Cambodia’s version of the “Hotel Rwanda.” Francois Bizot—Cambodia’s Paul Rusabagina—documented their trials in his The Gate. In addition, the epic film The Killing Fields, includes numerous memorable scenes from this bizarre and tragic episode. There wasn’t much to see, though: just a thick white wall. Sitaa was perplexes that we weren’t going for visas.
Our second stop was Cambodia’s defunct train station. One of the accomplishments of the brutal French colonization of Cambodia was the line which stretched from Phnom Penh to Battambang and then into Thailand. How I wish that line still existed! The station is in a state of decay and decrepitude. No one cared about our trespassing and we snapped a few photos of the railway carapaces, which looked like they had been bombed. I entered two of the passenger carriages. These photos will speak to their conditions.
They were being used as both homes and toilets: vagrants lounged and it all stank of filth as piles of human shit laid about. I didn’t linger.
The vitality of s train station can represent the vitality and social health of a country. I believe this to be true because trains can, if desired, be a remarkably leveling and egalitarian force. India's train station is testament to that: anyone can use it and nearly everyone does. In two months of riding trains throughout India I saw the poor and the wealthy of Indian society in passenger carraiges. The trains are, for the poor, effective, speedy and affordable means of movement. Without them, India's poor would have significant difficulties getting around the country--the trains are a form of liberty of movement.
Thus Cambodia's passenger trains are deeply depressing. They were in operation, barely, until a few years ago. That means they survived, somehow, the civil strife of the French colonial period (which was more peaceful in Cambodia than in Vietnam), the Civil War of the early 1970s, the Khmer Rouge revolution, and the period of Vietnamese occupation and control. Now, with Cambodia more "stable" (the term is used loosely but, comparatively, it is true), independent and wealthy than it has been in decades--that is, when one would expect it's trains to be rehabilitated--they've met their death.
One the ride back we passed a John Deere tractor store. It was beguiling to see such an iconic image of Midwestern America, and Wisconsin particularly, here in Cambodia. We also passed a massive monolithic piece of architecture, described by Sitaa a “government building.”
Near the central market some cops flagged us down. They started yelling at Sitaa who responded in Khmer—I think to the idea that we were late for our bus and in a hurry. The cops weren’t having it and he started to pull over. As he neared the curb, he jammed the gas and swerved around the last cop, who pulled his club out and took a few fruitless steps in pursuit; Sitaa drove us off, laughing hysterically as the cops’ expense! We joined him. It was a small moment of triumph over corruption and he endeared himself in our hearts.
The bus ride to Siem Reap was wouldn’t merit much mention except that they were playing Michael Jackson videos, which was pretty awesome. Eventually they switched to repetitive Khmer karaoke, so I took a nap and read Diamond. The sun set and I was reminded again of how stunning Cambodia is: I’ve never seen sunsets like these. Kelly and I stared out the window, content, happy, unemployed for the next three months.
The past few weeks had been such a flurry of activity that the realization of leaving didn’t hit home until Sunday night, mere hours before departure. And when we woke at 5am to catch our bus to Siam Reap it just felt like a continuation of the rush. But it was nice to catch up on sleep for the first few hours.
Crossing the border at Moc Bai / Bavet is like crossing from day into night. The vast differences the histories of Vietnam and Cambodia have left each country in are immediately apparent and nothing less than striking. Well-managed, fertile fields gave was instantly to fallow acres; manufactured houses—implying wealth enough to pay another person to build one’s domicile—were replaced with DIY homes; the intense population density of Vietnam contrasted with the sparseness of the Cambodian countryside.
Cambodia is at once a more bucolic landscape. Vietnam hasn’t invested much in highway side beautification and one’s viewpoint is limited to roadside restaurants, motorbike repair shops and the other forms of human occupation which inevitably spring up—unless prevented from doing so—along lanes of commerce. The commerce is much more limited in Cambodia and thus the views are better. Surely one of the most romantic images of southeast area the vast green and brown fields, crusted with palms, given way to generous slices of sky and clouds. I was reminded of how much I had enjoyed Cambodia.
Aside from the landscape, a major theme of Cambodian thoroughfares seems to be a frightening array of animals on vehicles—in various states of life and death). Aside from moments of morbid fascination this doesn’t hold much attention, so I settled into Jared Diamond’s “Collapse” for the duration of the ride to Phnom Penh. The TV on the bus played Charlie Chaplin films, the background music of which is quite pleasant. And they were significantly better the viewing option on our last trip to Cambodia: a collection of hideous youtube clips of masked men ripping tube tops off of women in public. One wonders who considered this to be suitable viewing material, but the wondering doesn’t last.
Cambodia’s capital has a peculiar grandeur to it. Once considered southeast Asia’s urban jewel it now resembles an unpolished ornament: having been through too much in too little time, and without the time needed to recover. We had an hour to kill before our bus to Siam Reap to we hired Sitaa to take us to a few spots of historic interest: the French embassy and the train station. Along the way we passed Ratana Nimol, whose sign read:
“Selling statues, monk’s robes and all kinds of ritual accessories”
The French embassy fascinated me because when the Khmer Rouge took control of Phnom Penh on 17 April 1975, a few hundred people remained trapped and isolated there—Cambodia’s version of the “Hotel Rwanda.” Francois Bizot—Cambodia’s Paul Rusabagina—documented their trials in his The Gate. In addition, the epic film The Killing Fields, includes numerous memorable scenes from this bizarre and tragic episode. There wasn’t much to see, though: just a thick white wall. Sitaa was perplexes that we weren’t going for visas.
Our second stop was Cambodia’s defunct train station. One of the accomplishments of the brutal French colonization of Cambodia was the line which stretched from Phnom Penh to Battambang and then into Thailand. How I wish that line still existed! The station is in a state of decay and decrepitude. No one cared about our trespassing and we snapped a few photos of the railway carapaces, which looked like they had been bombed. I entered two of the passenger carriages. These photos will speak to their conditions.
They were being used as both homes and toilets: vagrants lounged and it all stank of filth as piles of human shit laid about. I didn’t linger.
The vitality of s train station can represent the vitality and social health of a country. I believe this to be true because trains can, if desired, be a remarkably leveling and egalitarian force. India's train station is testament to that: anyone can use it and nearly everyone does. In two months of riding trains throughout India I saw the poor and the wealthy of Indian society in passenger carraiges. The trains are, for the poor, effective, speedy and affordable means of movement. Without them, India's poor would have significant difficulties getting around the country--the trains are a form of liberty of movement.
Thus Cambodia's passenger trains are deeply depressing. They were in operation, barely, until a few years ago. That means they survived, somehow, the civil strife of the French colonial period (which was more peaceful in Cambodia than in Vietnam), the Civil War of the early 1970s, the Khmer Rouge revolution, and the period of Vietnamese occupation and control. Now, with Cambodia more "stable" (the term is used loosely but, comparatively, it is true), independent and wealthy than it has been in decades--that is, when one would expect it's trains to be rehabilitated--they've met their death.
One the ride back we passed a John Deere tractor store. It was beguiling to see such an iconic image of Midwestern America, and Wisconsin particularly, here in Cambodia. We also passed a massive monolithic piece of architecture, described by Sitaa a “government building.”
Near the central market some cops flagged us down. They started yelling at Sitaa who responded in Khmer—I think to the idea that we were late for our bus and in a hurry. The cops weren’t having it and he started to pull over. As he neared the curb, he jammed the gas and swerved around the last cop, who pulled his club out and took a few fruitless steps in pursuit; Sitaa drove us off, laughing hysterically as the cops’ expense! We joined him. It was a small moment of triumph over corruption and he endeared himself in our hearts.
The bus ride to Siem Reap was wouldn’t merit much mention except that they were playing Michael Jackson videos, which was pretty awesome. Eventually they switched to repetitive Khmer karaoke, so I took a nap and read Diamond. The sun set and I was reminded again of how stunning Cambodia is: I’ve never seen sunsets like these. Kelly and I stared out the window, content, happy, unemployed for the next three months.
Why would I have a blog?
Why would I start a blog? Having a blog requires degrees of narcissism, exhibitionism and voyeurism. As it happens, I’m a bit of a narcissist, exhibitionist and voyeur.
Narcissism: noun
excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance.
• Psychology: extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
Setting aside the focus on physical appearance, starting a blog requires a sense that what one has to say is worth, for other people, investing a small amount of time. It’s a public forum, not a private one: the author must operate under the assumption that someone, somewhere, will give a damn.
Exhibitionism: noun
extravagant behavior that is intended to attract attention to oneself.
• Psychiatry: a mental condition characterized by the compulsion to display one's genitals in public.
Let’s substitute the word “intimacy” for “genitals” and ask: isn’t it enough to just discuss one’s ideas with people when you see them? Why the need to self-publish?
The answer for me lies in the lack of immediate social context. By immediate social context, I mean how our conversations are normally defined around a relevant set of topics: the conditions of one’s day, current events in the world, new news regarding friends and acquaintances (ie gossip), plans and projects we are involved with, observations of our immediate surroundings, et cetera. Rarely do our conversations push the boundries of these regular and highly relevant topics. We often have to go out of our way to create these conversations—by organizing book clubs and other such events.
Blogs aren’t burdened by any immediate social context (though are obviously influenced by the way we self-censor ourselves every day). They are what we think about when we are alone. What we think about when we are thinking of things of purely personal interest—the things we take pleasure in thinking about. They allow for the pleasure of sharing our intimate personal discourses.
Voyeurism: noun.
Deriving sexual satisfaction by secretly watching others undress or engage in sexual activity.
For the third time I’ll stretch the definition, this time with the subject. One obvious pleasure from blogging is being part of a blogging community where you are continuously observing each other’s intimate thoughts. But this isn’t really voyeurism, which requires spying of some sort. So if bloggers are they voyeurs, who are they secretly observing?
The answer is themselves. Writing for pleasure, for me, requires the deceptively difficult practice of pushing ideas past their normal surface of utility. When I discover something new about the world, the common reaction is to note it, make some flippant comment about it, and register it with every other observation in the bank of nearly inaccessible thoughts within our subconscious. Writing allows me both the time and the medium to think: sitting here, in front of my computer, like taking a long motorbike ride, provides one of the day’s few opportunities to think about something other than the task at hand. And committing these thoughts to script forces me to think of the right words and constructions of words needed to say exactly what I mean to say. In doing so, in pushing ideas further, I’m unraveling the personal intimacy of thoughts, emotions and reactions I may not realize are there or have normal and immediate access to.
What is ultimately revealed has the potential to be banal, fascinating, mundane, comic, magical and more. The narcissist rarely sees beyond themselves; the exhibitionist takes chances with other people’s reactions; the voyeur makes decisions only for themselves. So, here I am.
Narcissism: noun
excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance.
• Psychology: extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
Setting aside the focus on physical appearance, starting a blog requires a sense that what one has to say is worth, for other people, investing a small amount of time. It’s a public forum, not a private one: the author must operate under the assumption that someone, somewhere, will give a damn.
Exhibitionism: noun
extravagant behavior that is intended to attract attention to oneself.
• Psychiatry: a mental condition characterized by the compulsion to display one's genitals in public.
Let’s substitute the word “intimacy” for “genitals” and ask: isn’t it enough to just discuss one’s ideas with people when you see them? Why the need to self-publish?
The answer for me lies in the lack of immediate social context. By immediate social context, I mean how our conversations are normally defined around a relevant set of topics: the conditions of one’s day, current events in the world, new news regarding friends and acquaintances (ie gossip), plans and projects we are involved with, observations of our immediate surroundings, et cetera. Rarely do our conversations push the boundries of these regular and highly relevant topics. We often have to go out of our way to create these conversations—by organizing book clubs and other such events.
Blogs aren’t burdened by any immediate social context (though are obviously influenced by the way we self-censor ourselves every day). They are what we think about when we are alone. What we think about when we are thinking of things of purely personal interest—the things we take pleasure in thinking about. They allow for the pleasure of sharing our intimate personal discourses.
Voyeurism: noun.
Deriving sexual satisfaction by secretly watching others undress or engage in sexual activity.
For the third time I’ll stretch the definition, this time with the subject. One obvious pleasure from blogging is being part of a blogging community where you are continuously observing each other’s intimate thoughts. But this isn’t really voyeurism, which requires spying of some sort. So if bloggers are they voyeurs, who are they secretly observing?
The answer is themselves. Writing for pleasure, for me, requires the deceptively difficult practice of pushing ideas past their normal surface of utility. When I discover something new about the world, the common reaction is to note it, make some flippant comment about it, and register it with every other observation in the bank of nearly inaccessible thoughts within our subconscious. Writing allows me both the time and the medium to think: sitting here, in front of my computer, like taking a long motorbike ride, provides one of the day’s few opportunities to think about something other than the task at hand. And committing these thoughts to script forces me to think of the right words and constructions of words needed to say exactly what I mean to say. In doing so, in pushing ideas further, I’m unraveling the personal intimacy of thoughts, emotions and reactions I may not realize are there or have normal and immediate access to.
What is ultimately revealed has the potential to be banal, fascinating, mundane, comic, magical and more. The narcissist rarely sees beyond themselves; the exhibitionist takes chances with other people’s reactions; the voyeur makes decisions only for themselves. So, here I am.
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